I have come to the conclusion that one of the most difficult things to do in this life is to find that perfect point in time, that perfect place with that perfect person where everything else just seems to stop existing and where there is really intimacy, not of bodies (or maybe as well) but most importantly of soul and mind
There is nothing like finding that moment, the moment where one's soul can be opened and stripped off its facade and its irrelevant worldly details. Likewise, nothing hurts more than having given oneself away unconditionally and having been (purposely or otherwise) spurned or even not getting the same from the other person. It hurts so much inside.
Life is very short and we spend it mostly on mundane things and irrelevant details that distract us from what life's real objective (at least in my opinion) is: to love and be loved. Love in all its forms: passionate love with our partner, parental love and respect, love for the people that mean something in our lives: siblings, relatives, friends, neighbors, etc.. It is while looking for those special people (who sometimes can prove to be so elusive, especially when they are needed the most) that we must also meet people who let us down and whom we idealize, only to find out that they are nothin of what we thought of them.
We fall in love with people, but we also fall in love with our idealized image of people. It is not fair for them or for us but we do it nonetheless. Growing wise sometimes means learning to accept people the way they are and accept the world the way it is. It is in a way the death of our illusions, but it is also a step that helps us build a shell which protects us from all the hurtful things that people can (knowingly or not) do to us.
It is perhaps time to give up on trying to find that special something or someone and settle for what life offers us. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately), there are still people (like me) who are still idealistic and who (at least for now) would not settle for less than what we expect from life. It is those people that I am always trying to find, unfortunately with little success most of the time.
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Back
Am I maybe about to set a new record for the longest time without postings to my blog? Well, whatever it is, I am back after over a year and a half without having any entry in my blog.
A lot happened during last year and the beginning of this one especially on the emotional front but after an intense turmoil, which has helped me grow as a person, it seems I am back to square one and let's leave it at that. Suffice it to say that as most of you (whoever is reading) know, it is very difficult to reconcile one's ideal version of the way the world is supposed to work with reality. Compromise is a word that is used a lot but I believe it is the only way out of disappointment between what we expect the world (i.e. people, things, etc.) to be and what it is.
Onto lighter and more interesting things. During last year and the first half of this one I think the biggest change in my life is that I have actually become a somewhat competent guitar player and a half-decent songwriter. If you have read my blog before (and I am assuming a lot, I know) you must know that music is a BIG part of my life. I can absolutely not live without music and it is the art-form with which I can feel the most identified. Music bypasses our analytical sides and goes straight to the heart and soul of feeling whatever they might be. Whatever it is, anger, love, disappointment, happiness, etc I feel that it can be expressed perfectly with music and that is why it is such a big part of my life. Well, I started studying music and its basic elements of melody and harmony on my own and I also decided to pick up a guitar and start seriously playing it trying to improve as I go. I got to the point where I was somewhat decent and I started writing my own songs which I find extremely fulfilling. I built my own mini-computer studio and the results are of course amateurish at best but I expect to get better as I go. For the time being, my sister liked my songs as she finds them "catchy" and even my lead-guitar work was not disappointing (being more of a rhythm guitarist myself).
Because now i am in a "song-writer" kind of vibe, the music I find myself listening to is way more varied than it was just a year ago when it was classical music only (and I would say Wagner about 80% of the time). Nowadays I am really into the songs that I used to listen to when I was a kid but more from a song structure perspective than from an enjoyment point of view (like criticizing someone else's work, which I can't quite do with classical music since I am not at that point yet)
During the last month this is what I have been listening to, so you get an idea:
- Queen, wow, what can I say... outstanding, all sorts of song by Mercury and company but especially the older material like Bohemian Rhapsody, The prophet's song, Bicycle Race, Save me, Don't stop me now, Mustapha, among many many others
- Beatles (do I need to say anything here)
- Metallica, I even brought myself to kind of like some of "St. Anger" but still find myself gravitating towards "Master of Puppets" and "And justice for all"
- and I have also been listening to countless other bands I used to like in my younger days like Edguy, Helloween, Gamma Ray, Iron Maiden, Black Sabbath and Van Halen.
On the Wagner front I will finally bring myself to start getting into the last of the works I have not fully immersed myself into and that is "Die Meistersinger von Nuernberg" (Parsifal is what I listen to the most still). For those of you keeping track (I hope there is at least someone) the order in which I became mesmerized by Wagner's music (and I do mean it... to fully appreciate a work by Wagner, it took me approximately 6 months of listening only to that work, normally during my commute by subway), to the point where I know every single note and word of all these works and I can quite confidently critique a recording or live performance on subtle nuances that I am able to pick up on.
This is how I got Wagnerized
- Siegfried
- Das Rheingold
- Der fliegende Hollaender
- Lohengrin
- Goetterdaemmerung
- Die Walkuere
- Tannhaeuser
- Tristan und Isolde (the name of my blog was inspired by this opera)
- Parsifal (still mesmerized by it, just like Tristan)
- Die Mesitersinger von Nuernberg (I have gotten into Act I and certain pieces but not the whole work)
Also in terms of literature, I guess I had my Arthur C. Clarke fever lately since I have read a lot of his books like
- 2001 Space Odyssey
- 2010
- 2061
- 3001
- Rendezvous with Rama
- Rama II- The Garden of Rama
- Rama Revealed
- Childhood's end
Anyways, right now I have to sign off but in the coming days I will elaborate on some of what I touched on today. Now I will go and listen to some Mozart to end the day on a nice, beautiful and happy (if a little soulless :-) note...
Be well
A lot happened during last year and the beginning of this one especially on the emotional front but after an intense turmoil, which has helped me grow as a person, it seems I am back to square one and let's leave it at that. Suffice it to say that as most of you (whoever is reading) know, it is very difficult to reconcile one's ideal version of the way the world is supposed to work with reality. Compromise is a word that is used a lot but I believe it is the only way out of disappointment between what we expect the world (i.e. people, things, etc.) to be and what it is.
Onto lighter and more interesting things. During last year and the first half of this one I think the biggest change in my life is that I have actually become a somewhat competent guitar player and a half-decent songwriter. If you have read my blog before (and I am assuming a lot, I know) you must know that music is a BIG part of my life. I can absolutely not live without music and it is the art-form with which I can feel the most identified. Music bypasses our analytical sides and goes straight to the heart and soul of feeling whatever they might be. Whatever it is, anger, love, disappointment, happiness, etc I feel that it can be expressed perfectly with music and that is why it is such a big part of my life. Well, I started studying music and its basic elements of melody and harmony on my own and I also decided to pick up a guitar and start seriously playing it trying to improve as I go. I got to the point where I was somewhat decent and I started writing my own songs which I find extremely fulfilling. I built my own mini-computer studio and the results are of course amateurish at best but I expect to get better as I go. For the time being, my sister liked my songs as she finds them "catchy" and even my lead-guitar work was not disappointing (being more of a rhythm guitarist myself).
Because now i am in a "song-writer" kind of vibe, the music I find myself listening to is way more varied than it was just a year ago when it was classical music only (and I would say Wagner about 80% of the time). Nowadays I am really into the songs that I used to listen to when I was a kid but more from a song structure perspective than from an enjoyment point of view (like criticizing someone else's work, which I can't quite do with classical music since I am not at that point yet)
During the last month this is what I have been listening to, so you get an idea:
- Queen, wow, what can I say... outstanding, all sorts of song by Mercury and company but especially the older material like Bohemian Rhapsody, The prophet's song, Bicycle Race, Save me, Don't stop me now, Mustapha, among many many others
- Beatles (do I need to say anything here)
- Metallica, I even brought myself to kind of like some of "St. Anger" but still find myself gravitating towards "Master of Puppets" and "And justice for all"
- and I have also been listening to countless other bands I used to like in my younger days like Edguy, Helloween, Gamma Ray, Iron Maiden, Black Sabbath and Van Halen.
On the Wagner front I will finally bring myself to start getting into the last of the works I have not fully immersed myself into and that is "Die Meistersinger von Nuernberg" (Parsifal is what I listen to the most still). For those of you keeping track (I hope there is at least someone) the order in which I became mesmerized by Wagner's music (and I do mean it... to fully appreciate a work by Wagner, it took me approximately 6 months of listening only to that work, normally during my commute by subway), to the point where I know every single note and word of all these works and I can quite confidently critique a recording or live performance on subtle nuances that I am able to pick up on.
This is how I got Wagnerized
- Siegfried
- Das Rheingold
- Der fliegende Hollaender
- Lohengrin
- Goetterdaemmerung
- Die Walkuere
- Tannhaeuser
- Tristan und Isolde (the name of my blog was inspired by this opera)
- Parsifal (still mesmerized by it, just like Tristan)
- Die Mesitersinger von Nuernberg (I have gotten into Act I and certain pieces but not the whole work)
Also in terms of literature, I guess I had my Arthur C. Clarke fever lately since I have read a lot of his books like
- 2001 Space Odyssey
- 2010
- 2061
- 3001
- Rendezvous with Rama
- Rama II- The Garden of Rama
- Rama Revealed
- Childhood's end
Anyways, right now I have to sign off but in the coming days I will elaborate on some of what I touched on today. Now I will go and listen to some Mozart to end the day on a nice, beautiful and happy (if a little soulless :-) note...
Be well
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